When I Am A Parent... (A response to Love, Simon)

I went to see the film Love, Simon last night. I was invited by Gay Times Magazine (Thank you!!!) who have interviewed me in the past and I did an Instagram takeover for them back when I was in The Addams Family. I was honoured to have been asked to attend their screening of this new movie that I'd heard so much about. I've not read the book (originally Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda) so the only thing I knew about it was that it was the story of one boy's complicated experience in coming out. I don't want to spoil anything (and I won't!) but as the majority of coming out stories go, there comes a time when you tell your family. Your mum. Your dad. Either or both. The people we look to for approval on nearly everything we do. Even in present day, I'll stand in changing rooms in clothes stores, desperately angling my body and the movable mirror on hinges behind me, to get the best snap of myself in the dress that I'm already very much in love with, just to send to my mum to get her final seal of approval. I won't hand over my debit card until mum's text back with the all clear. I think the majority of us know what it's like to desperately seek approval from the people you love so much that you couldn't bare to see any hint disappointment in their eyes. Now, I'm not gay. I’ve kissed/been attracted to few girls in my brief existence, so I’m not sure if or where I fall on the LGBT+ spectrum anywhere? So, i don’t have a coming out story and I can't imagine what that conversation is like. To sit my mum and dad down, and reveal a part of myself that has always been there, that they've never seen. Knowing my awesome parents, they'd be cool with it...which brings me onto why I'm writing this blog. Although, it's less of a blog and more of a vow...

When I am a parent, I vow to love my kid(s) unconditionally. That means, if they come home from school one day, sit me down and tell me that they're gay, I'm going to wrap my arms around them and tell them that I love them. I'm going to say that they're still the same person as yesterday. Maybe even more so than yesterday because today they're not keeping secrets. Today that weight has been lifted and they can be more themselves than they've ever been before.

When I'm a parent, I not only vow to love my child no matter what their sexuality, I vow to create an environment in which they don't feel like it's a secret that ever needs to be kept. From the moment they are born I will make sure they grow up knowing that whoever they turn out to be will always be fine with me. 

When I am a parent, not only do I vow to love my child no matter what their sexuality and to create a safe and loving environment in which they know they can tell me anything, I vow to not make being straight seem like the default. Love, Simon brings up the very valid point that straight people never have to come out, so why does anyone else? Why is it only the people who don't identify as heterosexual that have to go through that terrifying time in which they feel they may lose everything just because of who they are? With regards to sexuality, we still often look at the people like they're iPhones, with default settings. Go to Settings> Sexuality> Flip Straight to LGBT+. No. No, no, no. No two people on this planet are the same. People do not have default settings. Straight isn't the default. So, I vow that my kid(s) will know that just because mum and dad may be straight, that's not an example. That's just me (and as someone who has happened to mainly date bisexual guys...it genuinely may just be me!). Whatever their sexuality, that is their default and mum won't tell them otherwise. She won't let anyone else either. 

Our generation and, even more so, the generation below us are more tolerant and more accepting than ever and so I know I'm not alone in making these vows. There will always be people who won't listen. People who will deny the undeniable and try to change the unchangeable but there will come a day when we'll outnumber them a thousand to one. A day the the voices of love, acceptance and hope will drown them out. We're very much already on the way there. 

I may have never had to come out but I am a firm and unwavering ally and I have a part to play. I have a responsibility. So, when I am a parent, a mum with a child, who comes home and tells me they're gay, I will wrap them up in my arms like I did when they were a baby, I will look down at them and I will still see the same person. I will still see my child and I will still love them. 

Not a thing will have changed. 

xxx

Edit: I’ve since made some edits to this blog regarding confusion (including my own) over sexuality. I’m in quite the privileged position that I’ve never struggled with sexuality because it’s never been an issue. My family have always let me know they’d accept me no matter what and I am attracted to men and have had only male partners. However, when someone calls me straight it doesn’t necessarily feel right. It’s a label that feels like a shoe that’s one size too small. As I mentioned in this blog I’ve had experiences with girls and in order for that to have happened there was attraction to the same sex. I hate this idea that we all need to find a label ASAP and tell everyone explicitly that that is what we are and that’s the end of it. I personally feel there is a lot more grey to it than that and it’s not as straightforward (pun intended). I apologise for being confusing but I’m not going to apologise for feeling the way I feel and saying certain things to avoid questions and to make my life a little easier instead of explaining myself to strangers on the internet...which is what I’ve ended up doing anyway. *facepalm* I’m still adamant that I’m not going to pick a label to define myself by because I don’t care enough. I’m happy. So you should be too.