An Introverted Actress

I Know and I'm Trying

I have a few things I’d like to address. 

Privilege. 

I am hugely privileged. I am a straight, white female with hugely supportive and loving parents who made lots of sacrifices to make sure my brother and I had opportunities that they never did. Whilst we did struggle financially, we’ve never been poor and I’ve never been denied basic things like food, water and shelter. That is a struggle I will never pretend to know. We had everything we could have wanted because I was lucky and privileged enough to be born in a first world country to parents who loved and supported me no matter what. 

I’ve also been privileged enough to have a lot of help over the years to get me to where I am today. I’ve never had to do anything solely on my own. Some of it was an uphill battle but I always had company on the journey. People pushing me, pushing FOR me and people opening doors I never could have opened alone. Whilst many of them aren’t on social media and won’t ever see this and although i’ve already tried to show a lot of gratitude over the years, you can’t ever say thank you enough. So thank you, for everything. 

I don’t believe that I am where I am because I work harder than anyone else. I’m going to say that again. I don’t believe I work harder than anyone else. I don’t believe I have more talent than anyone else. My success has been a huge mixture of the talent and ability I do possess, mixed with “right place right time” luck and the help of others in higher positions than myself. None of it would have worked without the others. 

Insecurities

I’m not perfect. There has never been a day in my life when I looked in the mirror and thought “You, Lady, are beyond improvement”. There are many situations I don’t handle well and even the ones I feel I did handle well, I sometimes look back and see that I didn’t. I actually can’t stress it enough...I do not think I am perfect.  I don’t even think I’m particularly ‘average’. Over recent years I’ve become incredibly anxious in certain situations and that anxiety has caused me to make decisions that, in turn, have disappointed a lot of people which then makes me angry at myself and insecure about what people will say. Then when those insecurities are confirmed by others, usually online, I jump into defensive mode to justify my decisions and I very quickly dig myself a deep, dark hole. It’s scary having your darkest thoughts of yourself confirmed by strangers. Are they seeing through to the “real” me? Or are they just seeing the worst? 

Appearance

I’ve gained weight in the last couple of years mainly due to birth control. When I finally found one that didn’t cause depression as a side effect or cause my body to go into complete hormonal disarray, one that was right for me, it made me gain weight. Then I was touring with The Addams Family where I drank more than I ever have before which obviously didn’t help. In an online world where people constantly scrutinise your every move, when that every move is in inches outwards from your waistline, the comments are mean and they cut pretty deep. Whilst I’m pretty body confident no matter what size I am, it’s difficult to see others with their figurative measuring tapes, tallying up every inch and every pound and determining how successful you’ll be or how much they like watching you as a result. I find that really difficult. 

All of this is a result of the fact that last night, I stumbled onto Guru Gossiper for the first time in about two years. I was looking for a photograph I knew I’d tweeted so I turned to google. Said photo had also been posted to this gossip website and stupidly...I clicked the link attached. I spent an hour, scrolling endlessly through thousands of posts detailing every bad thing I’ve ever thought about myself. All confirmed by a handful of people I’ve never met. 

I could sit here and say “They’re all jealous haters!” and whilst I don’t believe kind-hearted people who genuinely want the best for the YouTubers they watch would take to such a website, I wouldn’t be writing this blog if I didn’t see truth in some of what was said. I think that’s why so many people hate that site so much. It’s a mirror you would only use if you wanted to see the worst version of yourself. It’s a place where all of your redeeming features are forgotten and you’re forced only to look at your vices, mistakes and failures...and who wants to stare at that for too long?

So I wanted to write this blog not to defend myself to strangers on the internet but instead to say…

I know.

I know I’m not a good person 100% of the time. I know I am privileged. I know I’ve had a lot of help. I know how I used to look and I’m aware of how that’s changed and how I look now. I know I’m terrible at relationships. I know i’m occasionally problematic. I know producers love the fact I have a large online audience and utilise that for the good of their production. I know I would benefit from training. As proud as I am of my books and as much as I love them, I know my books aren’t well loved by many. The list could go on and on and on an on until ‘Blogger’ tells me I’ve run out of space. I know my faults, I know my flaws, I know where I fall short and where I can improve...but I also know I’m trying. I really am. I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got and I can’t apologise enough for when that falls short too. For when I disappoint and for when I make mistakes. 

I know...and I’m trying

Xxx

EDIT: Originally I had written "I know my books aren't perfect" but upon reflection, that's not exactly what I meant. I'm truly proud of my books and I would have fought against deadlines if I thought they weren't yet ready for publication. I trust my team, my editor and the publishing house and I love each and every novel I've written. However, I am aware of the criticism surrounding them, some I agree with and some I do not. My novels are as perfect as they should be for publication but they're not perfect in the sense that I am always striving to be a better author and I will read them in ten years time and want to change things.




48 comments

  1. There's no need to apologise. Look after yourself and don't look at what STRANGERS post about you! As you say you are trying to do your best. You deserve every success in your different ventures x

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  2. Please don’t ever apologise for being human.

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  3. you're not alone Carrie, just know that. There's this community who wants to see you trive. Focus on doing the best you can, no one can ask you more than that. You are enough and all of your hopefuls love you <3

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    1. I'm sorry you have to read those horrible things about yourself that are not at all true. You don't need to apologise for who you are and where you are in life to jealous 12 year olds that don't realise that you are a real person.
      You are a beautiful and talented person and don't you forget it.

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  4. Sweetie you are fantastic as you are,there are always gonna be haters and keyboard warriors,no matter if your size 0 or size 46. As I always say to myself as long as I feel comfortable with my looks,my body,my hair,my make-up,then fuck everyone else.You've worked hard on who you have become today,and myself as a fan am super proud of you,and if by some luck one day we should ever get to meet I'd give you a big mummy snuggle to make your day go better.Keep your chin up darling love,hugs and kisses

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  5. You're wonderful, and trying our best is all any of us can do. I, for one, am supremely grateful for yours.

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  6. Carrie this made me really sad. And worried. And cross. I'm sending you the biggest of hugs, and from one woman to another, I want you to know that you are doing great! Regardless of the videos, the books, the acting, the shows etc etc,you are a good,kind,thoughtful human being. Traits which clearly are missing from a small portion of society that chose to spend their lives picking apart others, in order to make themselves feel better.
    We are all just trying. Trying to get through every day as best as we can. Picking ourselves up when we fall and giving ourselves mini high fives when we do well. But non of us are perfect. You are doing you, the imperfect human, and all the other imperfect humans are doing us. I hope the people who choose to hate on others find peace in their lives. It must be so exhausting being so negative! Xxxxx

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  7. There have been several recent cases of actors and other entertainers deleting their online social media presence and withdrawing entirely in response to too many toxic hateful comments online. I wish people wouldn't post those things. How would they like it if they poured their heart into a creative pursuit, doing their best to provide an emotional experience to their audience, and then get a bunch of messages that they suck because their teeth aren't white enough?

    We can't do anything about them, though, not without imposing draconian anti-free-speech measures that nobody wants. So please do your best to skip the hate. Everyone doubts themselves, but we've all gotten where we are through a mixture of talent and life situations, and that's OK.

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  8. As a Hopeful all I can say is that I admire you because all of your flaws and because I know you are trying, and you admit to not being perfect, so many people online and off don't do that. I will always say that you are a ray of sunshine for me when I'm in my dark place, your videos always make me happy, and I'm sorry that people have said mean things about you, because while none of us is made up of only good parts, I know that nobody deserves to be hated and critics that harsh. We're all trying our best, and many of those people I'm sure are too (not that I excuse what they said) just that they may send out hate because love isn't an option for them, again I don't want to excuse them for their actions simply trying to understand why they would do that. I hope you know that there is more light than darkness around you, and that even though the negative comments are the loudest there are those of us who love you for who YOU ARE, and expect nothing from you only to see you happy and be witness of that when we can. Love Sofi from Uruguay.

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  9. I love this Carrie. People seem all too eager to forget we are all human and we are aware of our fatal flaws most of the time. You are trying and that's all anyone can ever ask. You're trying way harder than most ever will. I love that you're just inherently human and I can turn to your online presence as a reminder that nobody is perfect and I definitely don't have to be. Neither do you. Keep on keeping on.

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  10. Smart reply. You're doing it great.��

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  11. My wonderful, stunning Carrie. The only people that truly know you are you and those who are closest to you, who have the opportunity (and yes, the privilege) to get to know the nitty gritty. While there might be points that strangers touch upon that ‘make sense’ in a way, it is not because they know you, it is because guesswork is always going to be right sometimes. And the easy guesses are the superficial ones. None of what is being said has anything to do with who you are as a person or what you are worth as the gorgeous(ly flawed, aren’t we all?) human you are, it’s the price tags and labels society sticks on us to gage us and make us quantifiable as people. But you are so much more than all of that. Because you try, which, by the way, you owe to no one but yourself, but also because the quantifiable doesn’t define you, it’s the unquantifiable aspect of you that make people adore you. Maybe this all comes back down to that ‘haters gonna hate’ concept but well... ‘lovers gonna love’. And I happen to think that what we get to see of you, consciously shared or not, is flawed and imperfect and gorgeous and generous and self-aware and unquantifiably wonderful. No one handle’s life perfectly and the fact that you aren’t either is the most normal thing out there. Keep trying, Carrie. The best you can give at any given time is more than enough ♥️

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  12. I had never heard of that Guru website before, but just reading the brief description on Urban Dictionary about it is enough to tell me all I'd need to know. As much as I love the things the internet allows us to do, it's disappointing that some use it to create such a negative and toxic virtual space when there's so much of it in the real world already.

    I have so much respect for you for how you compose yourself when faced with negativity and criticism, it's so easy to be dragged down to their level (especially when your insecurities are being attacked) but you appear to deal with it really well all things considered. The world is lucky to have you in it, and I'm glad you have a support network around you to help on the gloomier days because I know how hard it is not to have that. Anyway..

    Just my two pence!

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  13. This must have been insanely hard to write. Criticism is never fun to see, especially somewhere as toxic as that. The fact that you're coming away from it with this attitude, is frankly amazing.

    I really hope you don't dwell on the words there for too long, I really hope they don't sit in your brain. I really hope you step outside, or into your apartment, or your job and remember those words don't define you.

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  14. I really wish you didn't feel like you had to defend all of your actions and especially your weight but I can only imagine how difficult it is to have such a huge online following. I recently went to see you in Heathers and I was overwhelmed with how incredible you were and I have since said I would see any show with you in it. I also love your books, they are incredible! You do so much for your audience, everyone is human, it is natural that you will make mistakes xxxxx

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  15. Carrie - I am a 44 year old man, who only follows your twitter because my 2 daughters are huge fans of yours and it at least makes me look like a 'cool dad' if I vaguely know what they are talking about for more than 50% of the time. It helps that I'm a huge fan of musical theatre, so at least 50% of your posts do hold some interest for me! I think this is the first time I've ever clicked on a post that links through to your blog, mainly as I'd never heard of Guru Gossiper, and also as I had a spare 5 minutes of free time.

    I'd like to add my 'twopenneth' worth of support to what will no doubt be the hundreds of supportive messages you will receive today following this entry.

    There is no need for you to defend yourself to critics, haters, and frankly worthless people who feel the need to frequent the type of site that Guru Gossiper is, firstly no doubt most of these posts will be 'nobodys' desperate for a bit of attention from a crowd of people they do not know, saying hurtful things that they probably don't even really mean. I don't really need to tell you that, I'm sure you already know it, but sometimes facing a barrage of hate can be difficult to take.

    Take comfort in the knowledge, that no matter what is said of you by others, you will continue to have the love and support of your family, your friends and last but not least your fans, who will travel the length and breadth of the UK for you. (I know, I've paid for many of the trips!!!)

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  16. Carrie, don't ever apologise for who you are! You shine and sadly people shy away from as bright and as good and pure a light as yours! There are so many people around you who embrace you and love you for the person that you are. As Shakespeare would say 'this above all to thine ownself be true' take care of yourself Carrie remember you are important and your needs and what looks after you is also important! Much love and I hope there is much to make you smile today xx

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  17. Carrie, this was heartbreaking to read! As a woman your age (and similar to you in a few ways, from what I can tell!) who has followed you on social media and YouTube for years, the negativity and commentary you face utterly baffles me. They throw bile from behind their keyboard, it reminds me of the worst bullies from high school and it's petty. The worst thing is, it's online and hard to escape - it's easy for you to stumble across it and be hurt by it.
    You should not have to justify yourself to these horrible people! Know that their opinion means nothing and they are far outnumbered by those who see your sheer bloody hard work and talent. They are not worth a moment of your precious time - though that's easy to say and harder to put into practice, I imagine!
    I can't wait to see you in Heathers in October - it'll be the first time I've seen you in a show and I know you'll be fantastic! Sending good vibes, keep being your amazing self and surround yourself with those who love you and build you up. x

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  18. I'm usually a silent viewer but felt like I needed to say something today. Carrie you are nothing less than wonderful. The positivity, humanity and most of all kindess you exude is astonishing especially throughout the storm of people who always seem to find a need to be hateful or hurtful toward you. You never claim to be perfect and the fact that you are not is the very thing that makes you the amazing person you are. You are a human being and a truely good one at that. Stay strong and stay you. You're wonderful just as you are ��

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  19. Carrie you have a voice that gives me goosebumps and to me your talent is huge , I look forward to your vlogs and love your books. To be honest I don't know when we all got so scathing and critical but it honestly needs to stop it is so damaging .Don't let them grind you down you truly are amazing <3

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  20. As Regina George says: Don't ever apologise for something you can't control. And don't ever apologise for being a boss.

    I've recently had the immense pleasure of speaking to you just a couple of minutes, I'm very good at sensing peoples energy and how they most likely are as a person (although it is not foolproof) and you have the purest of hearts I have ever felt. And that isn't from mistakes, hurt or whatever else negative you might have experienced or impacted. It is your intent and your strength. Your core at heart is precious, like liquid gold streaming through your veins. You're warm, you're honest and you're worth every single minute I spend rewatching old videos, rereading your books or watching your career blossom. You are beautiful through and through in the most magnificent way I have ever experienced. However much you don't want to believe it you are special because you make people happy. You make me happy (so much so I almost cried when I finally got to tell you how much your artistry means to me). I wish there wasn't a need for you to feel like you need to "stand up" for yourself by simply stating that you are human. And I can't fully speak like those who got angry, but I can as one who once felt let down. I was fourteen, a child who felt intitled to someone else's time and put you up on a pedistall, but as i have grown and as you have grown I put you as my equal. You have my full respect and love, Carrie, because you deserve it. Not because you are anything else than you and living your full truth, and as long as you hold your intergrity and speak your truth and stay kind that you will always be deserving of that love and respect.
    (also just noticed you had a "shop my style" and I have a feeling that I'm gonna be out of some money cause dang those are some cute clothes)

    All my love,
    Amanda <3

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  21. Carrie, you don't need to apologize for anything.

    Something that I've observed from posts you've made like this and similar is that you let these terrible, unhappy people on the internet bully you into feeling bad about things about yourself that aren't there. These people are picking apart every little detail about you and will keep picking until youre the size of a grain of sand. You don't owe these people anything. You don't have to prove anything to these people. You know these things about yourself already and you know in your heart that you aren't a shitty person and that you aren't doing these things to intentionally harm some one. You're just living your life and that isn't a bad thing. Humans are flawed, that is true. Some of the things they say may be true, but they aren't nearly as bad as how they are making it out to be. These people just want to tear you down and you don't need to prove yourself to monsters who hide behind a computer screen that make people feel bad about themselves. They will never stop, they just want to watch you dance and you gotta use your inner warrior to stand strong against them.

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  22. I won’t try and speak for anyone else Carrie ... but I know you’re my role model in every aspect of your life that you share with us. As us humans go... you’re doing a darn good job ♥️

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  23. Those people...have never walked in your shoes. They've never experienced everything that you have, neither will they because this is your path, how you walk it is completely up to you! They may cross it, they may experience similar situations BUT they will never 100% understand what it is like to have been your younger self, the inspiring young woman that you are nor your future self. You continue to do what makes you happy Carrie...one life we have and it should be filled with hopes, dreams, achievements, fun and laughter.
    Who are these people to judge you anyway?! I know the comments hurt but use that negativity and turn it into positive energy. You dont need negative people in your life there is no room for that at all! Negative people make people sad...STOP READING the rubbish that other people write...you cannot control what people say about you or what they think about you. What you can do is control the way you react towards them...Everyone has faults it's what makes us human! They are just picking holes in yours because they don't know how to fix their own.
    If you care too much about what people think about you...you will always be their prisoner.
    Keep smiling, hold your head up high and live your life and your dreams Carrie love.
    There's more people out there that support you and love what you do...the haters are the minority. Your Hopefuls are the majority!
    Sending love and Hugs xx
    Ps see you in Cardiff on the 15th for your book signing.
    Zoe x

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  24. This was really brave. While I think you addressed issues that are nobody's but your own and things no person should have to ever defend I still think this was very brave. It must be overwhelmingly difficult to be a person just trying to live their best life and be the subject of such praise, hate and scrutiny. It takes a strong person, in the midst of all that, to say, "look, I'm just a person." It takes a lot to not lash out at critics and take a deep look inwards, but I truly hope you only take responsibility for what is yours and not for what others perceive to be yours. While you continue to "try" please remember to also give yourself permission to be exactly who you are. Only try to be better for you, to hold true to your values, to do your best work and never because anyone thinks you should be anything else. Best wishes.

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  25. As a long time viewer, I really respect you for this. It is so difficult to admit to your flaws, especially this publicly, and I think you are setting people a good example of how to handle criticism.

    Comments about your weight are just mean and bullying, and I hope you can ignore those pure hate comments, and separate them from valid criticism. Negative feedback can come in many forms, and it is good to try to separate valid, constructive points from people just being mean and hateful.

    The things you talked about under priviledge, however, are things that I as a viewer have sometimes found a little bit alienating and have made me drift away from your videos. I really respect you for addressing those points and for acknowledging them. No one is perfect, and having such a prominent presence online must get absolutely exhausting, and at the end of the day you don't own anyone anything just because you happen to post videos on the internet. Still, the fact that you are taking steps to talk about issues of money/race/sexual orientation in a more sensitive and understanding manner means a lot, and I really appreciate it.

    Again, obviously you don't owe it to anyone to talk about anything you don't want to, but if in the future you handle these topics with this same openness and maturity and just continue to be self-aware like this, I'm sure I'm not the only viewer who will notice and appreciate it. While your videos are already fun to watch, they'll become even more of a safe place when you handle these topics more sensitively. (That's not to say I think you have been insensitive in the past on purpose - we just all have our blindspots and can be ignorant by accident.)

    This post is beautiful and really brave, and it makes me want to be more open about my own flaws and mistakes.

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  26. It breaks my heart that you are brave enough to share your life with us and this is the thanks you receive.
    I commend you.
    There should never be negativity surrounding something so good and light as pure honesty!

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  27. This post made me feel all kind of things. On one hand, I'm a little angry that you had to explain this as a consequence of other people's nasty opinions. On the other hand, I'm glad that you aware of your privilege and you never (as far as the internet can see) act on it.

    There are enough people who just don't understand how being born into a, for example, white family advances them in life thanks to our society. They might know, but I don't think many understand. It's nice to see someone as humble as you, trying their best without hurting others along the way.

    idk just a few thoughts on this. Hope you never end up on that website again. Have a great day x

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  28. I think people speaking badly of us hurts us so much because we can just imagine what they think of us, talking about us,criticizing us, and that can make us feel sick to the pit of our stomach and give us that urge to prove them wrong, to show them we're not that person they think we are. But somehow that cuts deeper than all the people that admire us, that think well of us,that love us, whom we make happy. Somehow imagining them talking about us, happily, excitedly, with twinkly eyes many times isn't as strong as the image of those people hating us. The thing is, if we change ourselves or change the way we do and say things,so as not to come off "a certain way", we run the risk of ruining the aspects of ourselves that those people who love us love the most. And what for? To gain the respect of people who think ill of us. To prove that we are not what they think we are. Those people who can already see us for who we are and on whom we have a positive influence, who already respect us... those are the opinions that matter.

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  29. I don't usually comment on anything, but I wanted to stop here and just say this. We live in an increasingly scary world, especially on the internet, where people think they can say whatever they want through a keyboard and have it not have an consequences. And it's awful. I blog, but otherwise I limit the time I spend on social media because it just has such negative vibes sometimes! It's hard not to be affected by such nasty comments and opinions especially if it is directed at you.
    You are a beautiful, talented woman, and I enjoy reading and watching your stories as you choose to share them. Whilst nothing I say will make everything better, I believe a little bit of positive energy goes a long way so I'm sharing it here.

    If everyone was just a little bit kinder to everyone else, this world would be a better place.

    Keep doing what you do - you're killing it :)

    Big love from Australia.
    Han xx

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  30. This makes me so sad; you are such a wonderful, bright and relatable presence in my life, and I hate that what makes it possible for you to have that presence also opens you up to such hate. Of course you have flaws - you are a human being! And please know that the ugly thoughts of some are not the views of many. Reading that website is like living life with depression - the facts presented are distorted and manipulated, and they are in no way an accurate representation of you

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  31. You shouldn't have to defend yourself, because you are not the one at fault. The people who expect perfection from you - from anyone - are the ones who need to do things differently. You are an excellent role model for so many people, even some who are older than you (like myself). The thing I admire the most about you is that you always try your best, and you never pretend otherwise. You always strive for kindness, but you're not afraid of speaking up when someone says or does something wrong. What it boils down to for me is, you're REAL.
    Also: Yeah, you're a bigger size now than you were before, but as long as you're happy in your skin that is the ONLY thing that matters. And you seem happier than I have ever seen you (and I've been watching for years and years), so clearly you're doing something right.
    As for your relationships, you say you suck at them, but from what I can tell it's the people you've been in relationships with who've sucked. You are not to be blamed for believing the best in people but being proved wrong. That's on them, not on you. I'm so happy for you that you seem to have found one worth holding on to!

    What I'm trying to say is, don't let people make you feel like you need to apologize for doing your best, because no one can expect better than that, and your best is already pretty damn good!

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  32. GG is the vilest site out there. You are enough as you are x

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  33. The important thing is that you can become who you wanna be and that is so important you love yourself just the way you are, with your flaws and your faults! Keep fighting girl, we all love you and support. Specially your family and friends.!

    Sara

    xx

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  34. What a world we live in. I can't believe it's gotten to a stage where people feel the need to apologise for being human. We are all the same imperfect creatures. We should be focusing on our own lives and making ours the best it can be. Work hard and be kind, people.

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  35. As someone who’s also been bullied, I can imagine what reading all that would do to you, and I’m so sorry. You might not be perfect, but neither is anyone else. People who spend all their time dragging others down are wasting their lives, while you’re LIVING and creating art for others to enjoy. I hope you can resist looking at sites like that. Lies don’t deserve the clicks.

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  36. dont feel that you have to justify yourself. do you . ignore jealus, mean spirited people. work hard, keep trying to improve - what more could any one want... sending positive thoughts x

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  37. I just wanted to say that the simple fact that you acknowledge your flaws - and do so in an open and honest way as opposed to self-deprecating and burying your feelings - places you leaps and bounds above those who make nasty comments. We, as fans, can all post a million comments full of love and affirmation but I know that won't erase the negativity both from others and from your own brain. And I know it is so, so hard to get past it, and in some ways you never fully can, but the fact that you are fully aware of yourself and the life you live is so important. The fact that you can recognize your privileges or your faults and try to turn it into goodness and kindness towards others is wonderful. The fact that you are living your dream, and all the while trying to make it beneficial for others, not just yourself, is incredible. You are doing truly amazing things, Carrie, and unfortunately that will never be enough for some people. But to a select few, it is more than enough. Whether it is some fans who only know what you allow them to see, or your loved ones who know your true heart, please remember that there will always be someone there to love and support you without judgement. It may only be one out of a thousand, but that one person counts. You can't change your past and you can't change what others think about you, but you can strive to meet the goals that you personally set, and be the best you can be based on what you believe is the best. The only thing you can change is on your end, and that starts with simply knowing where you stand, and where you want to end up. Just remember all those before you who battled similar negativity and came out on top. You can do it, you are positively incredible and I for one am so looking forward to all you do in the future (no matter how you got there, what you look like doing it, who you're doing it with, everything.) You rule.

    ps: there's a really wonderful commencement speech given by the author David Foster Wallace that I cannot recommend enough. You can read it online or in book form, or watch the recording of it on Youtube, but I would urge you to find it. It's not necessarily a motivational speech, but he does hit on a lot of the things you stated above and encourages people to try looking at things in a new way.

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  38. Dear Carrie,

    You are a human being. With flaws and imperfections and you are allowed to make mistakes. Although you are a role-model for so many young girls, you cannot expect from yourself to be perfect.
    It's perfectly normal to have insecurities and be anxious about certain things, especially since you're in the spotlight a lot, in many different ways. Youa are a role model for a lot of young girls, but also for older girls ;) I'm 23 and I look up to you. Your flaws and insecurities make you more real and I have so many respect for the way you deal with shit.
    I'm rambling, because I don't really know what I want to say to you. Just know that you are loved and respected by so many people. We know you try and we know you can't be perfect and we don't expect you to be. Just be human and be you. And try your
    very best to ignore the aweful stuff that is said about you. Because you know what's real and what's not.
    x

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  39. Reading this breaks my heart a little bit. I am not a public figure, and I can feel where these words are coming from; I can’t imagine having that magnified by the public eye. I’ve been watching your videos from middle school to college and really do feel like I’ve grown up with you as my “honorary big sister” and I think the reason my 14 and 19 year old selves both have loved watching your videos is because you’re a real, honest person who’s trying to do her best just like me, and all the Hopefuls :)

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  40. Ignore the haters and there is no shortage of them online only too willing to put others down. You are a wonderful person and I love love love your books :)

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  41. Ignore the haters and there is no shortage of them online only too willing to put others down. You are a wonderful person and I love love love your books :)

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  42. honestly, reading this has broken my heart a little bit. You're only human so please don't feel the need that you have to apologise for being you. You are wonderful and we can all see that you are doing an absolutely incredible job of making sure that you are the best you. as for the haters, ignore them, they aren't relevant to what you're doing with your life and they shouldn't decide how you live your life, they are just there to put other people down. I love you so much and i just think you are perfect as you are. your flaws and faults and imperfections are what make you you! I hope you're alright Carrie and just know that all of us hopefuls are going to support you no matter what xxx

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  43. Don’t apologise nobody is perfect. I am very slim not through choice and am constantly getting comments like your too skinny, you must eat more you must be ill. When the truth is I wish I was bigger I do eat quite a lot but can’t seem to put the weight on. And when I do I lose weight again. It has knocked my confidence and I do worry about my kids, one is a dancer and has lessons 3 times a week and competitions twice a monthand is slim,the other has a disability and is prone to obesity and loves swimming she dreams of competing in paralympics one day and my youngest is also into dancing like her older sister and is slim. I have tried to encourage them to be confident about their bodies and be proud of any achievements. My eldest daughter has been bullied because she is a young carer and has had to grow up quickly and she has just started to think that it doesn’t matter what other people think she shouldn’t have to change for anyone

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  44. I just read this blog post and I wanted to share something that a friend told me many years ago. She said that people want us to do well....just not too well. People will pull for you if your the underdog and then try to knock you down when you succeed. Human nature sometimes sucks a lot.

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  45. Saw this message on my instagram the other day, so I thought I'd leave it here:

    "There is nothing in nature that blooms all year long, so don't expect yourself to do so either."

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  46. Please never, ever feel you have to apologise for being human and real. It is one of the many reasons I and many others I am sure love following your journey through v-logging and musical theatre, as well as your books (which I personally love by the way and cannot wait to read your newest instalment). Haters are always going to hate, that is just they way of the world - you can never please everyone all of the time. But why should you give them all the power over you? If you do, they will always win. Not always an easy task I know, especially when you see truth reflecting back at you so harshly. But you know yourself who you are and you are doing the best that any of us can. <3

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