An Introverted Actress

Day Twenty-Three: Bravery

I don't think I'm very brave. I have moments of bravery but overall I like comfort and safety and anything that challenges those two things, I often find myself backing away from. My moments of bravery also often come paired with stupidity which usually takes a higher percentage of the moment.

When I was back in Les Mis, I'd had a really tough day, a difficult show and I was met unexpectedly at stage door by my unloving, manipulative, cheating ex-boyfriend, who was making an attempt to win me back. That was it. I needed a McDonald's. With my ass of an ex in tow, I traipsed to the Maccy D's on Shaftesbury avenue which, to my annoyance, was heaving. Theatres had just let out and it seems everyone had had "one of those" days. Within moments, two drunken men started rowing which quickly escalated to arms flailing wildly and words that you rarely hear so publicly, yelled at quite a volume. I was severely not in the mood. 

Will you mind your language?

I don’t know what made me say it. I don’t know what spurred on that bravery or that kind of stupidity. I have zero explanation. He could have turned around and hit me! Pulled a knife! Smushed a Big Mac in my face. Instead he, stopped mid-fight to snarl,

“Oh sorry, sweetheart. Am I offending you?” 

Actually, yes, I said. I’ve had a very long day, I just want a burger and you’re very much getting in the way of that.

Either he thought I was bit ridiculous or he felt a bit ridiculous. After all, he had just spent the last few minutes crazily punching the air in the middle of a McDonald’s. Either way, he rolled his eyes and left, not before shouting a few more choice words, leaving the fast food joint to resume some kind of normality.

Back in those days I was much braver than I feel I am now. I wouldn't dream of putting myself in that kind of situation nowadays but, in a way, I guess bravery is relevant. For some of us, walking out of our front door is a showing of bravery. For some, saying I Love You for the first time, is their biggest gesture of courage. For me, currently, it’s every time I publish a blog, post a video or a tweet or step onto a stage, knowing there will always be someone who will certainly have something to say about it all. Whilst I don't have the guts to join the army, go sky diving or save lives, my smaller shows of bravery still count. As do yours.

One of my most nerve-wracking performances. Watch closely and you can see my lips trembling! 

So in a way, we’re all brave. We all just have different ways of showing it. 



  1. After a long day at work - thank you for this Carrie. Your words are so comforting. These April blogs have been a joy to read. A brilliant story too - Carrie 1 - London's Finest 0!

  2. I needed this today. Thank you ��

  3. i love your blogs Carrie !! they're the best part of my day :-)

  4. Carrie I'm so sorry! I've been following you since 2011. I don't have Twitter or instagram so never had a way of talking to you.
    I'm so impressed by you. Not only by your talent as a singer but also by your perseverance. I don't know why people are targeting you at the moment this much (or if it also has been this way and you just comment more on it now) but I am in awe about how you handle it all and haven't surcome to the idea to delete it all.
    I found you years back because through your original songs. Two years ago I discovered McFly of whom I didn't know who they were when in my eyes you were already a superstar.

    I haven't read your books as I'm guessing with 25 I'm a bit older than the targeted audience but this is also an achievement I have so much respect for.
    I totally lost where I was going with this...

    Oh yeah...

    I don't know why you are people's scapegoat (? I hope that word means what I think it does?) But I wanted to tell you most of them are completely ridiculous in my opinion. It really doesn't matter what you do or say they will have something negative to comment. I'm not writing this to put you down I'm just hoping you see the comforting aspect of that. They deprive themselves of any chance to be taken seriously. Obviously your fans opinions matter but not the opinion of those people who even call you out when you talk back in the same tone as their insult, lazily disguised as constructive critique by adding in some polite buzzwords they can later use to prove how polite they were, thinking those can mask a rude undertone or those impolite or even attacking adjectives they used next to them.

    These people don't matter. I know that you know that and that you don't need some stranger off the internet telling you that. I just really like and enjoy your persona online and wanted to input aswell. For the first time in.. wow 7 years.

    Ok I hope this finds you well and that this was somewhat cohesive. I actually learned English with you... more or less...

    Have a lovely day!


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