Day Twenty: Letter

As you may have seen in a previous blog, I posted a picture of an excerpt from a letter a past boyfriend had sent me. When I was sixteen through to age of nineteen, I had a boyfriend who was at school in London but was from Hong Kong. Each summer holiday he would return home but instead of solely skype-ing or tweeting, I insisted we also kept in touch via handwritten letters. I thought it was old school, romantic and ever so suspenseful, hoping each morning that the postman would hold in his bag a letter from my loved one. Now that I'm twenty-five, almost a decade on from the start of that relationship, they're a wonderful keepsake from my younger years. However, I do look back and envy the naivety and purity of it all. Words like forever, eternity and always jump out and whilst they don't weigh heavy on my heart like I thought they would, instead, I enjoy that there was once a time when I threw those words around with youthful recklessness. There was a time when it meant nothing to promise someone my lifetime. A time when I had a million forevers. 

Although there's a fragility about me now regarding romance, I enjoy that I'm a little more cagey about who I give my forevers to. In the past, distant and recent, I've used those long term words and instantly felt their wrongness on my tongue but thought I was already in too deep to admit it. Now in my present, even when I feel that certainty coursing though me, I'm still reluctant to use a forever, just in case it turns out I'm wrong, as I have been every time so far. Now that I realise I only have the one forever, it's harder to part with. 

I guess the secret is being content with giving myself the promise of forever and it'll be a bonus if someone joins me on the journey.

#BlurtSelfCareathon

xxx