I used to doodle a lot at school when my mind would wander in the classes that went over my head (Maths and Spanish). Mostly hearts, stars and arrows but words have always been my thing. I'm not entirely sure why but I used to write 'All My Love' over and over again. That phrase is still my go to when testing out pens in shops on those little provided notepads. I would fill the lines of school rough books with my first name alongside the surname of the boy I fancied. I would write in squiggly handwriting making all the letters collide together to the point it was utterly illegible. Whilst it was technically writing, it was my way of doodling. It was mindless, therapeutic and when I came out of my little trance when the bell rang, there may have been something on the page I could work into a song or a story.
These days I've lost the ability to doodle. If it's not perfect, it's not worth it which is a horrible and creatively destructive mindset to have. I miss being able to throw something down onto the page and revel in it's misshapen glory and the fear of something not coming out beautiful often stops me from creating anything at all. I get there in the end of course but the process is often frustrating and the majority of my time is spent staring at a blank page. I'd like to say this is something I'm getting better at the more experience I have at being creative but I've still got a long way to go.
Fear of the blank page is something that gets us all and maybe doodling is the beginning to unlocking the courage to face it.
xxx
I think the sentence "The fear of something not turning out beautiful often stops me from creating anything at all." can be used for a variety of situations in life. I find myself quite often not doing the thing i want or not speaking up because of the fear of saying the wrong thing. I hope this blog may help me on my way to overcome the "fear of the blank page".
ReplyDeleteLove you Carrie, have a lovely day