Wizard of Blogs

Wow. It’s been an awfully long time since I’ve…*gulp*…blogged. Yup, blogged. With a ‘b’. Vlogs sort of took over for a while and I’m still going strong with my YouTube channel, of course (although I’ve not made a video in a week…) but I suddenly got this urge the other day to write something that isn’t a book. Something relatively short and simple that I can dash out into the world and not think too much about. Something that fulfils a creative need but doesn’t have to be looked at by an editor and sent back for notes several times before I can release it. 

I did have a blog once upon a time. It’s actually where all my published writing began. All I Know Now was set up back in 2013 and was turned into my first book in 2015 which has now, amazingly, sold over 40,000 copies! The blog was all about everything I know now compared to when I was a teenager and thought I knew everything. All of my stories and escapades up until the age of twenty-one. Once that book was released, I felt like my river of stories had run dry. Stories about myself, that is. I felt like I’d said everything I’d needed to say about myself, everything that I could say about myself, in that book and there was nothing left for me to blog about. That wasn’t why I turned to fiction, though. Fiction had been and will always be my first love so in reality I turned back to fiction after “accidentally” writing a non-fiction book first! However, three years have passed and here I am! 

A lot has happened in the years I’ve not been blogging about my life. I completed almost three years in Les Mis, two UK tours, travelled to Dubai and Singapore with work, been in various different romantic scenarios (and i’ve ended up single, again…), written three novels and a novella and…suddenly the banks of my river are flooding again and the only place it feels right to decant the water…is here. I could always vlog about it, I suppose but there’s something rather delicious about seeing all those words in front of me. There’s even a vague sense of anonymity. Which is ridiculous because my name is very clearly attached to this blog but you can’t see me and I’m not saying these words out loud. It all feels a little more…comfortable. A little less daunting. A little more like I’m inviting you into my cosy home where the candles are lit, the kettle is on and I’m sharing all my gossip with you…yes, you…just you and no one else can hear. I feel less like I’m performing to a crowd of thousands and more like I’m chatting and…oh. As I write this, the perfect word has struck me: hiding. It’s hiding! I’ve always said I’m more comfortable as a character when I’m in the public eye and so by blogging, I’m essentially taking myself out of the equation. I’m writing and you’re reading but I’m nowhere to be seen. I’m hiding. Behind a screen. Behind words and I’m not hiding because I’ve got anything in particular to say. I’m not here to dish dirt or share scandal. It’s just nice having a little piece of creativity where I don’t have to be present. Even my books come with tours and signings and interviews and press and whilst it’s all wonderful…at heart, unless I’m in a wig, a costume and I have lines and lyrics, I want to reach up and tilt the spotlight elsewhere. It’s my one and only chance to be…faceless. Like the Wizard of Oz when he’s behind that giant, green hologram with all the flames. It’s nice to have a bit of creativity without someone lifting the curtain and revealing me, desperately pulling at all the levers!

I think this will be good for me. I think I’m a bit more honest with you all (and myself) when I’m writing. I feel like I say what I actually mean and whilst I never pretend I’m okay when I’m not, I feel less inclined to downplay how I really feel when I’m writing (but I’m also scared I come across a little more stern in text which is something I need to work on! I’ll get better at that I promise!).

I can’t promise I blog every day, every week or even every month. Although, I can promise that I’ll be doing this more often. It makes me happy and I need more of what makes me happy this year. 

xxx